NO “TELEPHONES”. TALK TO EACH OTHER. FACE TO FACE ONLY. WRITE A LETTER. SEND A TELEGRAM TO YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 1860. LIVE.
NO ‘WRITING’… TALK TO EACH OTHER. THROW A ROCK AT YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 10,000 BCE. LIVE.
URGGA. ROU GRAAURH. RUH.
<SMACKS HANDS ON WALL WITH PAINT.>
NO ‘HIGHER BRAIN FUNCTIONS’ …USE YOUR REPTILIAN BRAIN
EAT YOUR MOM’S CORPSE SHE DIED TO PROVIDE YOU WITH SUSTENANCE
PRETEND YOU HAVE JUST AROSE FROM THE SEA
NO “MULTICELLULAR TRAITS”….. USE YOUR SYMBIOTIC MITOCHONDRIA
REPRODUCE ASEXUALLY, YOU’RE YOUR OWN PARENT
PRETEND IT’S 2BYA
NO “LIFE.” USE FUNDAMENTAL PHYSICAL FORCES TO FORM SPHERICAL OBJECTS REVOLVING AROUND ONE ANOTHER IN SPACE.
FUSE HYDROGEN INTO HELIUM USING GRAVITATIONAL PRESSURE TO PRODUCE HEAT AND LIGHT.
PRETEND IT’S 4.5BYA.
STABILIZE INTO EQUILIBRIA
NO “MATTER”. EXIST IN THE VOID WITHOUT PURPOSE OR MEANING.
THERE IS NO “YOU”, ONLY THE VAST CONCEPT OF NOTHING.
TIME DOES NOT EXIST.
This is so important!
I never know what to ask and end up looking like a fool cause I don’t have a question prepared.
Don’t be me.
Wait a minute…
I have been laughing at this for hours now…
So, true story. The woman in this photo is Kendra Kaplan. Her husband was in Iraq for twelve months but the military has this thing called leave. Some of us may recognize the concept from old episodes of Star Trek. In this photo she is five months pregnant after conceiving her second child during her husband’s leave. That envelope in her hand is the ultrasound results. She waited for him to come home to find out if it was a girl or a boy.
There’s been several articles about it.The photo resulted in this woman receiving so much hate mail, from both internet cut-ups and the actual media, that she even took a paternity test and provided proof of her husband’s leave schedule. Her real life friends have stopped talking to her over these rumors.
Oh, and by the way, that baby bump is a two year old by now. People are still shitting on this woman over a nasty internet meme two years later.
So in short, you’re mocking a faithful wife for something that isn’t any of our damn business anyway and has long since been disproven.
Good job Internet.
I want to get this video embedded in my arm so I can watch it whenever I get sad.
YOU WILL NOT REGRET THIS OMFG
THEY ARE BOTH A GIFT I’M AS HAPPY ABOUT THEM BOTH BOTH OF THEMMMM
THIS VIDEO WILL WIPE AWAY ANY SADNESS AND TEARS AND SADNESS JUST LOOK AT THIS PRECIOUS PRECIOUS MOMENT I CANNOT BREAATTHHEEEEE
This recipe makes only two cookies.
Albeit, two big, beautiful cookies. When I found this recipe, I liked the convenience factor of only five minutes prep time, and I loved the notion that I wouldn’t end up with a whole batch of cookies tempting me at every turn. However, I was a skeptic. As it turned out, this is an awesome recipe, and those two cookies are every bit as good as their big batch buddies.
I’ve made these twice. The first time around the cookies turned out great, but they didn’t have that ooey-gooey factor that I was hoping for. I made some changes for the second batch, which totally did the trick.
If you like cookies that rise and then don’t deflate too much, follow the recipe exactly. If you want cookies that look mine pictured, use 1/4 cup flour minus 1 teaspoon. After you form the cookies, refrigerate them until cold, then remove from refrigerator and bring back up to almost room temperature before you bake.
A clever recipe from No. 2 Pencil.
- 2 tablespoons room temperature butter
- 2 firmly packed tablespoons dark brown sugar
- 1 tablespoon granulated sugar
- Pinch of kosher salt
- 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 egg yolk
- 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
- 3 heaping tablespoons of semisweet chocolate chips (I chopped mine)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
Blend softened butter, sugars, salt, and vanilla together by hand. Add egg yolk and stir again. Add baking soda and flour and stir until combined. Stir in chocolate chips.
Form cookie dough into two balls and place on baking sheet. The cookies will spread during baking, so make sure they are several inches apart. Bake for 8 to 9 minutes, or until edges are golden brown.
Remove baking sheet from oven and give the baking sheet a firm, but careful bang on the counter top. This will deflate the cookie and give it a perfect wrinkly appearance. (I found this doesn’t always work, but I banged the baking sheet anyway.)
I just might have to try this … maybe tonight!
"Community has pulled off one the most patient easter egg: in one episode of each of the first three seasons, the word "Beetlejuice" was used off-handedly in a joke. If you’ve seen the movie Beetlejuice, the titular mischievous ghost would appear in the world of the living if anyone said his name three times. So, sure enough, on the third mention by a Community character, this guy appears in the background for exactly two seconds. They patiently waited three years to reach that punchline."